you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
