I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
