remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
