Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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