There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
