Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We are all done wearing pants today
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
