No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
