If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
