If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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