Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
