We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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