So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
