Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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