I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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