You just made me feel so damn special
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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