I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
