I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
