Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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