Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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