So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
