I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i came on her dog
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
