I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
