apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How external is "for external use only"?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
