My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
