dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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