I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
