her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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