carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
