Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
