you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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