What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
