She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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