like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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