You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
