so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A+ Viking dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
