ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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