Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
