tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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