Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
