we made out on top of his cat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
