Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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