my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
