Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
