Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
