did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
