help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
