so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
