Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
