i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
