i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
