honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
