My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
