i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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