I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
