So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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