Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone shit on the floor
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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