just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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