Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
