the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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