I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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