On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
