Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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