No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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