he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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